Anticipating an Old Fart's Weekend

Bloke and I were discussing the impending weekend last night. Consensus was reached that a quiet weekend was very much in order, as we had being going full bore (keep your minds above your navels) since the start of the footy season until now.

So, the weekend plan is very quiet, and long overdue. We are going to get the car serviced, possibly see a movie while the car is in The Place, have a quiet Saturday afternoon bumming around the house, or heading to the TAB for a punt on the Cox Plate, before heading down the highway to Avalon for the speedway.

Bloke is almost having kittens about the speedway. He's so excited. He's researched it to within an inch of its life. I just hope he's not disappointed.

I am sleeping in on Sunday, come hell or high water, and will be spring cleaning for the rest of the day. Bloke has requested spaghetti bolognaise for Sunday dinner, so I spose I should do the right thing and oblige.

What day do we have to roll the clocks forward for Daylight Saving? I forget....

When Going to the Hairdresser = A Lleyland Brothers Episode

I have been going to the same "stylist" for the 3 years I've been in Melbourne. I love what she does, and she does it very well. She makes me look almost human. About 6 months ago, she up and pulled stumps from her place of employment at my local shopping centre (Norfland *hangs head in shame*). Since then, she's been at 3 different places including Epping, Whittelsea and Greensborough. This morning, knowing I was going to the Seymour Races on Sunday, I ring the salon in Greensborough, only to be told, surprise surprise, that she no longer works there.

I cannot stress enough the importance of getting your "stylist's" mobile number. Frantic SMSing ensued. As a result, I am now off to Mill Park on Saturday afternoon for a wash, trim and blowjob. Let's hope she stays there for a while, as the cost of petrol is making touring Victoria for a haircut kind of cost-prohibitive.

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Update!

Blowjob was predictably marvellous, and I was also able to get my eyebrows waxed for only $10. Bargain and a half! I feel human again.

Unhygienic Ferals and Public Transport are a Bad Combination

What is with some people?

This morning, I'm on the 6.54am from Reservoir. It all starts relatively normal. A young schoolboy (I'm guessing 11 or 12) gets on the train. The train isn't packed, not even close. This kid comes and sits IN THE SEAT RIGHT NEXT TO ME! What is that about? Leave a space!

I have my MP3 player (nerd machine) set on 32, so it's pretty loud. Soon (about Preston station) I can hear this sniffing sound over the music. It's the schoolkid. I offer him a tissue, which he declines. Fine, I kept reading my Cleo.

The sniffing intensifies. I glare at the kid (effectiveness somewhat reduced by my sunglasses). The snot then starts dripping out of this kid (who has declined my kind, but self motivated, offer of a tissue). Unperturbed, the kid uses his hand to wipe the snot away, then rubs the result on the leg of his uniform, WHICH IS TOUCHING MY SKIRT!!!! Oh no, you fucking don't!!!!

I snap "Do not wipe your filthy snot on me, you animal" and move away. Melbourne Central station couldn't arrive fast enough.

What is with people?

Another Race Weekend Coming Up

Bloke and I look like we'll be heading to the Seymour Cup this weekend. Our friends' horse is racing again, and the words "why don't we hire a people mover and Bloke can drive?" have been uttered. Now, it needs to be understood that Bloke doesn't drink. I initially had some reservations about this teetotalling man, I mean, can you trust a man who doesn't drink? But I easily overcame this, and now enjoy the benefits of having a designated driver forever. No more cabs for me!

So, the crew look like loading a Tarago or similar with eskies full of beer and bubbly wine and heading up the Hume for a day of fun and frivolity.

The wheels on the bus
Go round and round...

Pay Day - The Happiest and Saddest Day of Them All

I get paid monthly, and I have to tell you, it sucks big hairy balls. I hope none of you have to endure monthly pay.

It's just not right. You get to be rich for an hour, maybe two if you're lucky. You get to work, log onto your interweb banking, pay all your bills, then you're broke for the rest of the month. It's cruel. Surely it wouldn't be too difficult, in this modern day and age, to do fortnightly pay. Is there some sort of advantage for my employer in only paying once a month? I just don't get it.

Oh for the days when I was a young checkout chick and got paid real folding cash every Thursday *sighs wistfully*.

Technoretard Catches up with Modern Life

Bloke has discovered the vibrate function on his mobile phone. Quite how, I'm not sure, but he has decreed that henceforth, all communication between us during office hours should be via text message rather than email. I'm pretty sure he's stashing the phone in his pocket and is getting a cheap thrill every time a message comes in. I have visions of him sitting at his desk, furiously dialling his mobile from his office phone and his eyes glassing over/rolling back in cheap pleasure. Some people are so easily amused.

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Update!!! Bloke has discovered that if he doesn't open SMS messages straight away, his phone vibrates periodically. He's decreed that he's not answering SMS messages ever again. I told him he is a loser.

Our Day in the Members at Flemington

Well, what an interesting and awesome experience. Bloke donned a suit for the first time, and looked HOTTTTTT! Goddam! I did feel sorry for him, bless his cotton socks, as he hates wearing a tie, yet he did it, and didn't complain. I was all frocked up with freshly straightened hair (took me half an hour to do), makeup, stockings; the whole catastrophe.

We met our friends at the train station at the course, and as they own a horse that was racing in the 9th, they smuggled us in for free (very economical, and left more money for the bubbly wine later). We had missed the first race, but apparently this wasn't a problem as it was only a 2 y.o. race, and the quality of racing wouldn't've been that good.

We were in the Atrium part, and our first minge (martie will appreciate this) sighting was very early in the day. Two laydeez standing on a floor a couple of storeys up from us, right near a window above us. Bloke could see right up their skirts, and I imagine the same could be said for the other 5,000 punters in the room as well. They weren't even wearing nice knickers. The shame!

I managed to work out those little machine thingies at the TAB, so I didn't have to place my bets with the little man. This made me happy, as I could take my time, and make as many changes as I liked before I hit the "submit bet" button. I had a win on the 3rd race, which covered my bets for the rest of the day, so I was very ecstatic about that. Bloke had a very big win on the 4th (I think) and used it to pay for dinner later in the evening. Awwww. How sweet.

There seemed to be a LOT of women (middle aged) who apparently do NOT own a mirror, and think it's perfectly acceptable to be seen in public with leathery, saggy cleavage on full display. Wrong. Put it away. And girls, those baby doll dresses that are in fashion now all make you look like you're up the duff. And don't even get me started about bubble/tulip skirts; they were bad in the 80's, and time has done nothing to improve them.

Things I would do differently next time I go to the races:

1. Not wear 4 inch heels - my back is now all sorts of crunchy, and my feet are still hurting.
2. Wear an outfit that doesn't require the wearing of stockings. Logistical nightmare. I hate them.
3. Allow more time to get ready. I hate having to try and do perfect makeup with limited time.
4. Take a more streamlined handbag option.

But, other than that, I had a brilliant day. I drank a lot of champagne, had a big win early on which paid for my day, and had Bloke to get me home safely, and laugh at me in my drunken state.

How Did I Become so Old Without Noticing?

When exactly did becoming old happen? How did I make the transition from being a chick who spends Friday night after work at the pub, consuming way too many adult beverages and missing the last train out of Flinders Street, to the chick who does the grocery shopping, orders takeaway and curls up on the couch on Friday night? How did I not notice this major lifestyle shift? Am I the only person who's experienced this?

Surfing the interwebs in my trackies and knitted slippers just seems to be a much more enjoyable option than standing in a smoky pub, drinking overpriced beverages and watching junior sluts in training who are half my age throwing themselves at anyone who will look sideways at them. Too much effort for too little return, is the way I see it.

Oh well, off to check the form guide for tomorrow.

Links at the side

Ooohhh. Looky here. I can add links to my favourite other sites.

It's a good thing I can bullshit my way through HTML coding. It was virtually painless.

My partner, who henceforth shall be known as Bloke, is bored at work, and apparently assumes that everyone else is as well. We're off to the races at Flemington tomorrow, so he's ringing me constantly regarding the logistics of the day, which horses he's going to back, etc. Bloke is very excited as it will be his first time in the Member's enclosure. He's purchased his suit and tie, and is all ready to go. I, on the other hand, am trying to tie up a few loose ends at work prior to some lunchtime refreshments. Speaking of which, look at the time!

First post - Losing my blog virginity.

Where to start?

I discovered this whole blogging thing while bludging at work. I was in desci's blog MelbourneHumanFemale, made a comment, and created my account all at the same time. I'm hoping I can work out how to access this thing from my home 'puter, otherwise I've just wasted 30 minutes of work time that could've been spent being unproductive in other ways.

About me.... I'm 30 years old, female, West Australian, living in Victoria with my beautiful man. I support the West Coast Eagles, so I'm pretty happy right at the moment. I'm a fat chick, but once daylight savings starts, so too will our walking program, so I'm hoping to downgrade my status to "somewhat chunky" instead.

Anyway, must fly, and pretend to be productive. I will try to post a bit more on the weekend.